SoCUtIoSaI
by Memoria Aurion
Summary: Stream of conciousness under the influence of stress and insomnia. This was written up all in one go. No jokes or characters were replaced for a reason. The only thing I went back up to write was the disclaimer. EXTREME OOC.


SoCUtIoSaS. Part 1.  
>by *KawaiiRanChan<p>Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, Lunar, Magic Knight Rayearth, Queen Latifa, Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, ferrets, any fish of any kind, Star Wars, Daria, any diety from any religion, Charlie Sheen, cuban cigars, Star Fox 64, Suikoden, any sort of mental disease, Wesley Snipes, marshmellows, OR any poker tables.<p>

EVERY CHARACTER IS OOC. EVERY.

AUTHORESS NOTE: There just isn't anything I can do except kick back and let my imagination run away with itself. That's how I keep myself occupied these days. I feel more than a bit cooped up. I decided to write out some of what I imagine, just to let you guys know how insane I am - if you didn't know of it before. Please note that there will be some copywrited characters in here, and hopefully I covered that in the disclaimer.

STORY START.

Ran: *looks out the window to see a man dressed in a tuna costume weilding a cake in his left hand and a rapier in the other, fighting against what looks like the final form of Ultimecia with a billion ferrets coming out of her mouth every time she speaks*

Ultimecia: "Time, it escapes you-" *barfs up ferrets*

Ran: "Story of my life. There's a freakshow outside the window, and I'm bored."

Kratos: *as a chibi angel sitting on Ran's shoulder with a halo over his head* "There's a lot you could do..."

Ran: "Such as?"

Kratos: "Clean the house? Watch your kids?"

Ran: "I'm all ready watching them."

Ran's babies: *playing by themselves, ignoring the rest of the world until the younger chases after something shiny*

Kratos: "Aw, look, she has just as much of an attention span as you."

Ran: "Oh shut up." *looks out the window again, and the man in the tuna suit is winning*

Tuna Suit Man: "AVAST, FOR I HAVE THEE, VILLINOUS WRETCH!"

Kratos: O_o

Ran: *keeps watching, barely interested*

Ultimecia: *draws Apocalypse from her bottom half*

Tuna Suit Man: "HAVE AT THEE!" *tries to stab her with the rapier, but the army of ferrets start to eat him* "EGADS! MY EMPEROR... I FAILED YOU!" *is eaten alive by the ferrets*

Kratos: "That's weird."

Ran: "What is?"

Kratos: "I feel a disturbance in the force..."

Ran: *stares*

Kratos: "What?"

Ran: *looks back out the window* "I'll never forget what I witnessed here today, Kratos."

Kratos: "What was that?"

Ran: "That you said there was a disturbance in the force!" *LOLs*

Kratos: "Where's your good angel, anyway?"

Ran: "Ghaleon's not my good angel. You kidding? Let's see, he tried to take over Lunar by kidnapping a village girl and turning her into her past-self, then making her boyfriend and his ragtag bunch of misfits do shit for him without them even realizing it, only to fail to the power of love. I don't think Ghaleon can be a good angel if he tried. Maybe an anti-villian angel."

Kratos: "...then you're royally screwed, aren't you?"

Ran: "Considering you're my indifferent angel, then yes." *looks back out the window*

Ultimecia: "Now I can compress all of time, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That stupid knight of the mideval ages could never hope to ever conquer the great Ultimecia!"

Ran: "Hey, Kratos?"

Kratos: "Hmm?"

Ran: "Close the blinds, would you?"

-MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE...

There's a poker table in the middle of a dark room, and sitting around that table are Queen Latifa, Jesus, Dumbledore (as played by Wesley Snipes), Daria, Hikaru Shido, and Ghaleon.

Queen Latifa: "I got this." *bets a hundred dollars*

Jesus: "I have forseen this hand, and you do not have it." *bets one hundred gold pieces*

Dumbledore: "Fuck all ya'll!" *throws down 100 entrance letters to Hogwarts*

Daria: "It doesn't matter if I win or lose this hand..." *bets 100 dollars in cartoon looking money*

Hikaru: "FLAME ARROW!" *sets the entire table on fire* "Oh no!"

Ghaleon: "Oh come on, Hikaru, that's the fifth time this week! Why do we keep letting you come to these games?"

Hikaru: "Because you're a forgetful loser that doesn't know what it's like to have a human soul!"

Ghaleon: "I have a human soul. I just died twice is all. You just don't have a brain."

Hikaru: "I got excited because I had two red aces and I thought they looked like FLAME ARROWs!" *shoots random fire blazes everywhere*

Jesus: "Come on, you two, settle down. We are in Daria's house this week after all."

Daria: "Yeah. It doesn't matter that you burnt up all the playing cards and the table is still on fire..." *looks over to Dumbledore* "Dumbledore, what are you doing?"

Dumbledore: *roasting marshmellows over the fire that's burning up the table* "Making a bad situation into a good one!"

Queen Latifa: *starts singing The Ballad of the Wind Fish out of nowhere*

Ghaleon: "Well, I'm late anyway. Gotta go to work." *puts on his halo and clips on his wings*

Daria: "You still doing that guardian angel gig?"

Ghaleon: "Yep."

Hikaru: "How does THAT even work out?"

Ghaleon: "Every human has a good and a bad angel on their shoulders, right?"

Everyone in the room nods.

Ghaleon: "Then you should understand what my position is."

Jesus: "I fear for that poor mortal."

Ghaleon: *shrugs* "Oh my ideas are only half as evil as hers are."

Dumbledore: "Happy campin', dude!"

Ghaleon: "Ummmm. Thank you?" *twitches his ears, which causes a portal to open in the wall. He steps through the portal and lands in Michegan* "...GREAT. This place is fuckin' COLD."

-AND BACK HOME...

Kratos: "Stop staring out the window all day. You asked me to close the blinds, but you still look through them."

Ran: *is watching out the window to see that Ultimecia has killed many other guys wearing tuna fish costumes that were weilding cakes* "I know, but I just can't help wondering if there's an entire army of tuna costume wearin' sword fighting bakers out there now."

Kratos: "Sounds like it's time for-"

Ran: "Don't you even..."

Kratos: "What? I was going to send out a decoy to find out what's going on." *snaps his fingers* "DECOY!"

The decoy appears. It's a chibi Charlie Sheen wielding nunchaku created by chain-linking cuban cigars.

Decoy: "You rang-a-tang?"

Kratos: "Go see what's going on out there, Decoy. There's a whole bunch of men out there dead and I wanna know why."

Decoy: "In the house, G." *flies at full speed into the window and splats like a gigantic wasp on a windshield*

Ran: "Oh waffles, now we'll never know!"

Suddenly, a portal opens above and Ghaleon falls through it.

Ghaleon: "CANADAAAAAAA!"

Ran: "Gally!"

Ghaleon: *picks himself up* "At your service."

Kratos: "Where were you?"

Ghaleon: "At the Inter-Dimentional-Reality Poker Group!"

Kratos: *presses a button on a canned laughter machine*

Ghaleon: "That wasn't a joke."

Kratos: *presses the button again, making the canned laughter harder*

Ran: "Kratos, come here." *is still looking out the window through the blinds*

Ultimecia has now started slaying men in shark costumes instead of tuna. In their left hands are gigantic watermelons, and they fight with Cloud's nail bat from Final Fantasy 7 that the player finds in the Temple of the Ancients.

All of a sudden, everyone outside is on fire, even if they had nothing to do with the bizzare war between Ultimecia and the sea-themed costumed army.

Kratos: "Yeah, it's just another day."

Ghaleon: *also looks* "Are you from one of the seven sanctums of hell? How is this just another day?"

Kratos: "I guess you don't remember the ancient wars..." *his words become a thought bubble everyone else can see* Ages ago, after Mithos blew up the world with an atomic bomb because he was so mad over his sister's death... all of the half-elves were set on fire just by being around so much radiation... oh, it was terrible!"

Ghaleon: *pops Kratos' thought bubble with his sword*

Kratos: "And I came back with PTSD!"

Ran: "I thought Mithos formed a pact with the Goddess Martel..."

Kratos: "YOU WEREN'T THERE!" *cries*

The doorbell rings.

Ran: *checks the door and sees a chibi angel there. He looks like Gremio from Suikoden and has green wings like in Tales of Symphonia* Hi.

Gremio: "I have mail for your angels."

Ran: "You're the Angelic Mailman?"

Gremio: "Sort of. Hey, where are they?"

Ran lets Gremio in, and they wander the house looking for Ghaleon and Kratos. Eventually they find them in the living room playing Nintendo World Cup.

Gremio: "Hiya bums."

Ghaleon: "Look, it's the messenger boy."

Gremio: "I at least do my job."

Kratos: "We do our job. Hey, Ran, do you have a decision to make today?"

Ran: "Yeah. Should I do anything today or not?"

Kratos and Ghaleon: "NOPE."

Ran: "That's what I had in mind."

Gremio: -_-;; *he hands a scroll to both angels and leaves in disgust*

Ghaleon: "Hey. I got a warning about Ultimecia and the fish people." *as he reads it, his voice fades away and another voice replaces his like in a movie* "Blah blahblah, blah. BLAH blah blah, watch out for that warout the window, blah blah blah, BLAHHHHH, BLAGGA BLAh."

Ran: "Didn't it say mostly 'blah'?"

Kratos: "Angelic is a series of blahs, which is why no one understands it. Blah doesn't mean anything in any language on Earth."

Ghaleon: "Says here that Ulti is actually trying to feed her army of ferrets."

Ran: "...and that's what this war is about?"

Ghaleon: "Apparently."

Ran: "I guess we need to go and steal a Petco or something for her."

Kratos: "I don't think that's a good idea. We're supposed to keep you from the war."

Ran: "Oh..."

END PART 1. 


End file.
